It is amazing how a new adventure can reveal things about yourself you never knew. I’ve recently learned something about myself that I was, at first, a bit embarrassed about. Okay, if I’m being honest I’m still embarrassed. I wanted to hide this little tidbit of information about me away. I wanted to pretend it wasn’t there. I wanted to keep it a secrete. But every morning and every evening on the farm I had to face it. So here’s my secret…I’m afraid of pot belly pigs.

I’ve discovered a few fears in recent years. I have watched a couple of fears grow too. I’ve never loved driving in the snow, for example. But now I freeze (pun intended) when the roads are icy. I have always been afraid of heights, but now I can’t seem to walk across a log that is 3 feet off the ground. And now I am also, apparently, very afraid of pigs.

So there it is, out on the table. I adopted two very adorable pot belly pigs, and I am afraid of them! They are not babies-not cute little piglets who can bond with us and grow up knowing they can love and trust us. They are adult pigs, who have been relinquished to a rescue center and then adopted by us. They met 5 new family members, were forced to share their lives with just each other and say goodbye to the other pigs, and even met a few friends of ours who come and go from the farm. Some of these friends are children-noisy, busy, happy children! So these two sweet pigs were afraid when they first came to us too. I realized, during the first week, that I didn’t know what to expect from a pig if they are afraid. I don’t know what a grumpy pig will do to a person if they aren’t happy to see them. I don’t know what I will do if a pig gets loose. These unknowns are just unknowns, but for some reason they evoke true worry and a bit of fear from me. Don’t get me wrong, I read a bunch about pigs before adopting the, watched you tube videos, visited with pigs at our local rescue farm, and I asked soooo many questions! But when Piper and Panda became my responsibility, I realized I have so much to learn.

So, what to do with my new-found fear? I face it every morning and every evening on the farm. I accept that I don’t know what a grumpy pig would do. I accept that I don’t know what I will do if a pig gets loose. I learned it doesn’t hurt at all if Piper nips at my legs while I clean her stall as long as I am wearing boots. I listen and watch and learn. I talk to Piper and Panda while I feed them, clean up their run, and brush them. And I noticed they talk to me too. Panda walks away silently when she has had enough interaction with me. She comes close and gives me a little nudge when she is curious if I have food for her. Piper-she’s the really talkative one-tells me how she’s feeling. All. The. Time. Piper squeals and grunts for her breakfast (actually, they both make the funniest noises for their breakfast!). Piper paces by her gate when she doesn’t want me in her space. She foams at the mouth if she really wants me to stay out of her stall. She stretches like a cat when she wants me to brush her, and lays down when she’s ready for belly rubs and snuggles. She spins in a circle when she’s feeling intimidated by Panda (who is twice her size and has definitely communicated that she is the boss pig). She reaches her snout to the sky when she wants to see what’s in my pockets. Listening to Piper and Panda and learning their language is shrinking my fear, day by day.

Songyard Farms is my dream. Really reaching for a dream is scary. Bringing home Panda and Piper so we can start our rotational grazing system and prepare for planting with sustainable measures is an important first step. Little did I know that it would be such a valuable, important practice in facing my fears. I have to say though, that opening the barn on our first cold and snowy morning, hearing their little piggie grunts next to the goats chatter, warmed my heart. Excitement and love is quickly replacing the fear, and I’m certainly grateful for that!